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原文标题:Rebecca

We can never go back again, that much is certain. The past is still too close to us. The things we have tried to forget and put behind us would stir again, and that sense of fear, of furtive unrest, struggling at length to blind unreasoning panic - now mercifully stilled, thank God - might in some manner unforeseen become a living companion, aw it had been before.
He is wonderfully patient and never complains, not even when he remember-- which happens, I think, rather more often than he would have me know. ?I can tell by the way he will look lost and puzzled suddenly, all expression dying away from his dear face as though swept clean by an unseen hand, and in its place a mask will form, a sculptured thing, formal and cold, beautiful still but lifeless. He will fall to smoking cigarette after cigarette, not bothering to extinguish them, and the glowing stubs will lie around on the ground like petals. He will talk quickly and eagerly about nothing at all, snatching at any subject as sa panacea to pain. I believe there is a theory that men and women emerge finer and stronger after suffering, and that to advance in this or any world we must endure ordeal by fire. Known fear, and loneliness, and very great distress. I suppose sooner or particular devil who rides us and torments us, and we must give battle in the end. We have conquered ours, or so we believe.

The devil does not ride us any more. We have come through our crisis, not unscathed of course. His premonition kof disaster was correct from the beginning; and like a ranting actress in an indifferent play, I might say that we have paid for freedom. But I had senses if they could ensure us our present peace and securioty. Hap-state of mind. Of course we have our moments of depression; but runs on into eternity and, catching his smile, I know we are together, we march in unison, no clash of thought or of olinion makes a barrier between us.

 

译文标题:蝴蝶梦

    我们永远也回不去了,这一点是确定无疑的。过去的岁月仍近在咫尺。我们力图忘却并永远置诸脑后的种种往事,说不定又会重新唤起我们的回忆。还有那利恐惧,那种诡异的不宁之感--感谢上帝慈悲,现在总算平息了--过去曾一度演变成不可理喻的盲目惊慌,说不定也还会以某种无法预见的形式卷土重来,就像过去那样和我们形影相随,朝夕共处。
    他的忍耐功夫着实惊人。他从不怨天尤人,即使在回忆起往事的时候也决不愤愤然---而我想念他常常想起过去,尽管他不愿让我知道。

    他怎能瞒过我的眼睛?有时,他显出茫然若有所失的样子,可爱的脸上,所有的表情消失得一干二净,仿佛被一只无形的手一下子全抹掉了似的,取而代之的是一副面具,一件雕塑品,冷冰冰,一本正经,纵然不失英俊,却毫无生气;有时,他会猛地抽香烟,一支接一支,甚至连烟蒂也顾不上弄熄,结果,那闪着火星的烟头就像花瓣似地在他周围散了一地;有时,他胡乱找个什么话题,口若悬河,凌晨得眉飞色舞,其实什么内容也没有,无非是想借此排解心头的忧伤。我听到过一种说法:不论哪一对夫妻,只要经历苦难磨练,就会变得更高尚、更坚强,因此在今世或来世做人,理当忍受火刑的考验。这话听上去有点似是而非,不过我俩倒是充分领略了其中的滋味。我俩 经历过恐惧,孤独和极大的不幸。我沉得,每个人在自己的一生中迟早会面临考验,我们大家都有各自特定的恶魔或者说我们想信自己战胜了。

    现在,那灾星再也不来欺压我们。难关总算闯过了,自然我们也受了些创伤。他对灾难的预感打一开始就是灵验,而我呢,不妨效法一出戏里的女戏子,装腔作势地嚷嚷,宣布我们为自由付出了代价。说实在的,戏剧性的曲折离奇,这辈子我领教够了,要是能让我俩一直像现在这样安安稳稳过日子,我宁愿拿自己所有的感官作代价。幸福并不是一件值得珍藏的占有物,而是一种思想状态,一种心境。当然,我们有时也会消沉沮丧,但在其它的微笑,就意识到我俩在一起携手并进,再没有思想或意见上的分歧在我俩之间设下屏障。


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